During the years since my divorce, I had kept the boys in contact
with their Mexican family, and had tried to maintain a civil
relationship with their father for the sake of the children. The
boys and I went down to visit the Mexican relatives on many
special family occasions, and we were always accepted as part of
the family. Daniel and his Mexican grandmother had a special
bond, so his grandmother was heartbroken when we left to live in
the States. Daniel spent several summer vacations with her in
Mexico.

Salvador later remarried, moved to California, and had two more
children. My boys really liked their half-siblings, and Daniel
especially was thrilled to have a half-sister. My children
visited their father frequently and even baby-sat the little
ones. The stepmother didn't mind having my children around, and
my boys would occasionally ride to Mexico with their father and
his family to visit relatives.

Danielle's father was a Roman Catholic with little education, and
had a closed mind about people whom he considered different.
During the transition from Daniel to Danielle, she talked to her
father about her feelings, explaining that she was really a girl.
She purposely did not dress as a girl during this discussion with
him. When she told me about the meeting with her father, she said
he had been understanding, and I hoped for the best. Shortly
after that, Danielle returned on a bus late one evening from a
visit with her Mexican family. I asked Salvador to pick her up at
the border because he lived closer than I did. It was the first
time he had seen her dressed as a girl. I met them at his house,
and watched as Danielle thanked him and tried to hug him as she
said good-by. Her father turned away rejecting her. It was
apparent from his angry looks at me, that he thought I had
purposely set up this situation. His apparent understanding about
her change disappeared when he actually saw her as a girl.

[Illustration - 'It was the first time he had seen her dressed as
a girl']

After that, when Danielle happened to be visiting in the small
Mexican town at the same time as her father, he would leave. He
once walked out of the Catholic church when she entered. He did
the same when she arrived during a meal at the home of relatives.

On numerous occasions I talked to him about Danielle, and how
much it would mean to her if he would see her. I requested he
speak to a Catholic priest whom I knew to be understanding of the
transsexual community. Her father's response to that was,
"Danielle is the one with the problem. She needs to talk to the
priest."

Her older brothers also talked to their father and his wife to no
avail. After a year or more David and Ben began to distance
themselves from their father because of his continued rejection
of their sister. Danielle continued to call her father who would
talk to her on the phone, but would not visit or meet her, and he
didn't attend any of the important events in her life. Even
though her heart was breaking, she continued calling him still
hoping that she could win him over. She sadly missed her little
half-brother and sister. When a new girl baby was born, Danielle
was not allowed to get acquainted with her at all.

Her Mexican Grandma tried to ignore the issue until Danielle went
to visit her in a frilly dress, with high-heeled boots and a
purse.

Her grandmother's first words were, "How come you are carrying a
purse?"

During that visit Danielle and her Grandma laughed and cried
together, and Grandma was convinced that Danielle was happier
living as a girl. In the same courageous manner, Danielle faced
the rest of the family, and the aunts and cousins soon treated
her as if she had always been a girl.

One male cousin became very protective and watched out for her
safety when he took her to dances and rodeos. She went to the
dances in the little town where everyone had known her before as
a boy. At first the guys would not ask her to dance, but her
cousins did, and soon several others became her friends and
danced with her too. Because she was brave and proud, others did
not see her as an outcast, and soon she was being treated as a
celebrity. She returned from her visits happy but exhausted
because it was still stressful for her to be watched all the
time.

Her father and one of his brothers continued to reject her, and
would not attend family functions if she was going to be there.
Her father sent her messages telling her not to attend dances in
his hometown, and not to talk to his children if she saw them.
She ignored the messages. She was deeply hurt by the strife in
the family, and felt that she was the cause.

Again and again I told her, "It is not your fault, and your
father is the only one that can stop the strife by changing his
attitude."

Her father blamed the rest of the family for accepting her
because he felt that she would not have continued her process of
becoming female if the whole family had rejected her in the
beginning.

Often I am thankful that I did not have to face Daniel's gender
problems while living with Salvador because the difficulties of
the transition would have been magnified many times over. Trying
to protect Danielle and preserve the marriage would have tom me
apart.

Sometimes I feel sorry for her Dad because he is missing out on
so much. At other times I hate him for hurting her and being so
selfish, thinking only about himself. I cannot understand a
parent rejecting a child, especially such a beautiful, kind, and
happy child as Danielle. How can he possibly have peace in his
heart?

....

My social outlet for many years has been community theater. I do
stage managing, and participate in other behind-the-scene
activities to make sure the show goes on, but I have no desire to
be in the spotlight on the stage.

Among the theater community, I have made several very good
friends through the years, and some are gay or lesbian. It was
while I was in the middle of rehearsals for "Ten Little Indians,"
working with my favorite director and several friends, that I
found out about Danielle. I tried not to let my personal problems
interfere with the play, but sometimes I would cry for no
apparent reason at all. I finally told my friends in the cast
about Danielle because she would be attending rehearsals with me.
They had known my boys as they were growing up, and were very
interested and supportive when they learned of the situation.

When Danielle went to the theater with me one night, my friends
acted as if they had known her as a girl all along - it was no
big deal. They even got her name right! One of her favorite
actors hugged her and told her she was cute. The actors that did
not know her before had no inkling that something momentous was
happening.

There were some interesting situations when new actors flirted
with Danielle and tried to get better acquainted. Although I
wanted to protect her from getting hurt and avoid embarrassment
for the actors, there was not much I could do. However, the
director once warned a newcomer that Danielle was "jail bait"
since she looked so much older than fifteen. I was surprised that
my friends who knew about her did not tell any of the other
theater people.

Danielle went to an annual awards banquet with me where many of
our friends greeted her warmly and gave her compliments on her
appearance. One man asked her if hormones had given her that
great shape. I thought she would be offended by such a direct
question, but she answered in the affirmative and then hugged
him.

Later she told me, "He was the only person that actually said
anything directly to me about my new situation. That really made
me feel good. Everyone else just told me how good I looked, but
ignored the real subject."

It was my belief that my FRIENDS would understand, and they did.

....

Daniel had started shaving at age thirteen because he had quite a
growth of facial hair - unlike his father and older brothers who
had sparse beards. In the past I had remarked that some girls
like guys with lots of hair, never realizing what a heartache all
that hair caused for Daniel. Just when we were trying to deal
with hormones, counseling, moving to a new apartment and a new
school, we also had to deal with the matter of removing
Danielle's facial hair by electrolysis.

One of our crossdresser friends recommended an electrologist, and
Danielle arranged for an appointment. She and I went together for
the first meeting where the electrologist explained the
procedure, but could not answer all the questions I asked. How
long would she have to have electrolysis, and how much would it
cost? She said it depends on many variables, including pain
threshold, type of skin, and genetic makeup

She further explained that Danielle would eventually need
electrolysis around her genitals in preparation for surgery, so
she wanted a picture of Danielle without clothes. Danielle didn't
seem to mind so I didn't make a big deal out of it, but since
then I have learned that taking nude pictures is not an accepted
practice. Although the electrologist and I became friends, we
never did see or talk about the picture she took that day.

Thus began the many hours Danielle spent in electrolysis, and the
many dollars I spent paying for it. Electrolysis is a slow
process and some days I was not sure we were making any progress
at all. We heard that it might take as many as 300 hours. There
were days when Danielle stayed home from school because her
facial hair was too long to hide and she couldn't shave the day
of an electrolysis appointment. We called them bad hair days.
Days when I was out of town, Danielle took the responsibility of
getting to her appointment on her own by bus or roller blades.

As I carefully observed the procedure, I thought it might be
something that I could do. It would be a great savings to me, and
it might eventually become another part time business. Through
research, I learned that 600 hours of class and an examination
were required for State Board Certification, but the nearest
school was 100 miles away. I started the classes just after
Danielle had completed her first year of treatment. I enjoyed the
training and the hours of practice on Danielle. She taught me to
be gentle, patient and careful during the procedure, and to talk
to her at the same time. We had many good conversations while I
was working on her, and we became even closer as we spent this
time together.

Electrolysis is an art form, not a science. The pain, money and
time spent in electrolysis weeds out those with just a passing
fancy for changing to the opposite gender.

Danielle accompanied me to class on several occasions where the
other students were amazed at her feminine appearance. We spent
many nights at motels near the classroom to maximize my time at
school. I worked at my other contract jobs during the days
between classes. I never wasted a minute - a habit that I
cultivated while raising my three children.

By the time I finished my classes and the required practice
hours, and passed the State Board examination, I had rented an
office. My part time electrolysis business grew by word of mouth
through the transgendered community. They seemed to feel
comfortable with me since I knew the problems they were
experiencing while in transition. In time my business developed
into a haven where the transgendered were comfortable and knew
they were welcome. My clients started popping in between
appointments to network with others in the community. Regularly
scheduled social gatherings evolved from this. My efforts seemed
to encourage a community spirit among the transsexuals as they
became better acquainted and reached out to one another.

The rewards of my business were more than financial. My sister
sometimes says to me, "You seem to have made lemonade out of
lemons." To which Ben always adds, "Damn good lemonade."

We never did any genital electrolysis on Danielle because we
learned from those in our area that had gone through surgery
without it, that none of them had complications. There have been
a few reports of hair in the new vagina which is unpleasant, but
has not caused other medical problems like infection. There seems
to be no consensus among surgeons as to which area requires
electrolysis. At this point in time, I think that the cure is
worse than the problem.

....

One of Danielle's friends invited her to go with the Scouts to
the Colorado River on a canoe trip. She was to take food, water,
and everything she needed for the four days in a small canoe. She
was required to learn canoeing and to be able to swim. When I
took her to a small lake for the canoeing classes, she was eager
to learn and did very well.

The group was to include both Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts, so
Danielle would be sleeping in a tent with other girls. The group
also included several adults whom I found to be very friendly. I
thought it would be wise to tell at least one of them about
Danielle, but she did not want me to tell anyone. After
discussing the situation at length, we decided that if there was
a problem, I could be there in three hours to bring her home.

She was trained in survival techniques and had to pass some swim
tests, in case the canoe overturned. Each of the Scouts had to
jump into the water fully clothed over a swim suit, remove their
clothes, and swim a lap. They were told not to wear jeans or
sweats because they would be too heavy when wet. For the test
Danielle chose a pair of nylon jogging pants with elastic around
the ankles. I was watching from the bleachers with interest but
not concern because I knew that Danielle was a strong swimmer.
She jumped in and almost immediately began to struggle and looked
frightened. When she entered the water, her nylon pants
immediately filled with water The nylon material and the elastic
around the ankles kept all of the water in her pants causing her
to be dragged under. Before I could get out of the bleachers, she
turned to the life guard and called for help. He went right in
and brought her to the edge. It was amazing to me how quickly
even a good swimmer could get in trouble in the water.

Since she had satisfactorily completed all the other water
activities, the leaders did not make her repeat that test. They
did tell her not to wear those pants on the trip. After she
stopped shaking and calmed down, we headed for home.

She asked me, "Did you see how cute the lifeguard was? I wonder
if he could tell that I was wearing breast forms when he put his
arm across my chest."

We bought all the required supplies including a very conservative
swimsuit - a one piece, with boy legs, and a high neckline so she
could wear her bra. She wore very tight cutoff shorts most of the
time, and a shirt tied in front. No matter what she wore, she
looked sexy even when nothing was showing but her tummy. We made
a little bag for her wet breast forms so she could hang them up
to dry over night. She left on the trip, and I tried to keep busy
so that I would not worry.

She slept in a tent with four other girls and a female counselor.
They went in pairs to visit the bathroom facilities - the bushes
- and she Was careful to be well hidden. At one of the overnight
stops, there were showers. She kept her underwear on while she
showered since the curtains were not very substantial.

She had fun on the outing and had no problems, but found canoeing
on the river rather boring. It was good for her to participate in
the Girl Scout experience as one of the things that girls do. I
was sorely tempted to tell the Girl Scouts that they had taken a
transsexual with them on the river trip and no harm had been
done, but I didn't. At a later speaking engagement, I told the
audience about the river trip. A Scout leader came up after the
program to tell me that he would have been required to put
Danielle in a tent by herself if he had known, even though he was
understanding and a crossdresser himself

....

Danielle learned about the New Images Theater Group sponsored by
Planned Parenthood. They were all teens that did skits and stage
plays dealing with teen issues. She auditioned to be part of the
troupe. If she was accepted, there would be a stipend of $200.00
a month. Although I worried about the auditions because I feared
that she might be very disappointed if she did not get a part,
she was very confident that she could do it and would be part of
the group.

The would-be actors were asked to portray an animal at the
auditions, and Danielle chose to be a cat. Everyone laughed when
her imitation sounded like a cat having an orgasm. She was a
little embarrassed. There were other impromptu acts required that
included singing and dancing. I was very proud of her that she
was chosen to be a member of the troupe.

The members of the theater represented ethnic and sexual
diversity They wrote and produced their own skits and they were
very well done. Danielle learned about child and sexual abuse,
contraception, body parts, counseling, and acceptance of
diversity. During a training session on transsexuals, the leader
told what she knew, then Danielle added to the information
claiming that she had a friend who was transsexual. The group
went on camping trips and overnight outings together and became
very close. I wanted to tell the leader about Danielle because I
thought that this group of kids would be supportive and
understanding, but Danielle did not want them to know yet. She
seemed more comfortable around people that did not know about her
past.

After many performances, when the group had been together almost
a year, they went on an overnight trip. The kids became pretty
emotional after the performance, and as often happens at a
slumber party, they told their secrets to each other. The leader
was trying to divide the group into acceptable sleeping
arrangements in the one large empty room that was their abode for
the night. Each teen had a sleeping bag and none of them were in
romantic relationships, but she sent the boys to one corner of
the room and the girls to another. One of the girls told the
leader that if she was trying to prevent sex, this would not work
because at least one of the girls was a lesbian, and at least one
of the boys was gay. The leader then attempted to divide the
straight and gays from each other. It was at this Danielle
decided it was time to reveal her secret. The leader later told
me that she gave up then, and let the kids all sleep together in
the middle of the room. She just didn't have the heart to make
Danielle sleep in an area all by herself after such an emotional
revelation. I was very grateful for such an understanding leader.
The others were amazed when they heard. They hugged her and cried
with her. Danielle was happy that she had let her friends know
about her past, and that they were very supportive..

When Danielle's year with New Images was over, she helped with
the training session about transsexuals for the next group. The
year with this group was very good for her self-confidence, and I
was thankful that she had received a sound education on many
controversial issues.

....

One time Danielle rode to a party with several of her friends,
but the boy that drove the car became so drunk that Danielle had
to find another way home. Another time she was frightened because
the driver was speeding. I was anxious for Danielle to get a
driver's license and bought her a used pick-up as soon as she was
old enough so as to avoid such uncomfortable and dangerous
circumstances. If she were in control of the vehicle she could
leave if she found herself in an unsafe or awkward situation. She
had more common sense and was more responsible and mature than
other teens with whom I had become aquatinted. A new law had just
passed in our state requiring every new applicant for a driver's
license to show a birth certificate. This was to verify age and
citizenship, not gender. I was trying to avoid the government
being involved in my child's gender reassignment, so we
considered many ways to approach the problem. The State has a
protocol for the change of name and sex on a current driver's
license An endocrinologist has to declare on a Department of
Motor Vehicle form that the person is living full time as a
female and intends to have sex reassignment surgery. I had been
told that such medical information is confidential, but any alias
will show up on a computer search. It doesn't take a rocket
scientist to figure out that if a person has changed from Joe to
Jane, that individual is probably a transsexual. I could just see
Big Brother with a drawer labeled "Confidential Name Changes
(Transsexuals)."

We had several options. One was buying a fake birth certificate.
Another was to find an old typewriter with the same print as the
original birth certificate and change the information. We tried
to generate a computer certificate similar to the current
government issue. None of these ideas worked, but Danielle found
a solution that did work. One day she sat down with my magnifying
glasses, and with a pencil put the two extra letters after her
male name to feminize it. She wrote "Fe" in front of "Male,"
darkened the letters slightly to match, and we had just committed
a felony. Some would not agree with our methods, but the birth
certificate now showed the truth. We just did not have all the
information when she was born.

On the way to Department of Motor Vehicles, she said, "I feel
like "Thelma & Louise."

I told her, "Don't make a big deal about the birth certificate.
Flash one of your wonderful smiles."

She had no problem. They glanced at the date of birth and did not
keep a copy. They have no proof showing that she altered the
birth certificate, and she has her license showing she is a
female, with the name she wants.

When she applied for an Arizona drivers license, they required a
Social Security number as identification, but we had not changed
the Social Security card. We could have done that quite easily
with available forms, but again, we wanted to avoid notifying the
government.

Danielle showed her card to the clerk who asked, "Is this an
alternative spelling of your name?"

She answered, "Yes," and left it at that.

On another occasion, she had to show her Social Security card for
employment in a fast food restaurant. I told her, "Don't make a
big deal of it. Just show it like there is nothing special."

When Danielle got home, I asked, "So, how did you do with your
Social Security card?"

"They didn't even speak English," she said.

People from other countries do not always know which names are
traditionally female or male names, so they didn't recognize any
problem.