A few months into the transition, a close friend was visiting
when Danielle came exuberantly through the living room in her
girlish teenage manner.

After she was gone, I asked my friend, "Isn't she just the cutest
thing?"

His answer echoed in my ears for days. "In my mind's eye," he
said, "I still see the boy I used to know."

Again and again that phrase went through my head. I had retrained
my mind's eye so that now I only saw the girl, but I understood
his reaction. In the beginning, even though my real eye could see
the girl, my old brain would spit out male pronouns. After that
experience, I could better understand why some parents have
trouble allowing their children to grow up and change. In their
mind they still have the image of a beloved toddler, an innocent
seven or eight year-old, or a rebellious teenager. It takes some
time for the mind's eye to replace the youthful image with a new
picture of the adult. This may explain why a husband does not
notice a new hairstyle, or why the family doesn't notice
grandma's wrinkles. It is even more difficult to replace the old
image with one of the opposite gender.

Since I saw Danielle every day, my mind's eye had been retrained
until I no longer saw the little boy, but only a lovable teenage
girl. It was more difficult for Danielle's relatives to retrain
their minds when they saw her infrequently or only in pictures.
Even though our eyes had seen the same person, my friend still
saw the boy that used to be, whereas I just saw a jubilant
daughter.

[Illustration - 'My friend still saw the boy that used to be,
whereas I just saw a jubilant daughter']