This is the Aussi/New Zealand Page
I will keep adding as long as you write about it.
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Well personally my middle school experience is somewhat different from all the others Ive read so far ...
I was one of the most popular kids in my year, I was really good at rugby and played in a rep team for New Zealand, I had lots of good looking girlfriends, nobody gave me any hassles or beat me up cause I was more likely to beat them up if they tried. I got good grades and everything was fine.
Ive been like that all my life which it may sound kinda weird but is making it extremely hard for me to do anything about wanting to be a girl. I dont know if anyone else has had a similar experience to this. At times I wish I had been a bit more obvious so that it was almost expected of me to transition.
Anyway thats my two cents for now.
Subject: High School
I was the kicking boy all though my schooling life. It started when I year 7. It was not like I was to feminine or anything like that. It was like I had made some subconscious choice that I didn't like being with Boys or Girls that I just didn't fit. So I became the loner. My earliest memory that something was wrong with me was at year 7. where I started to wear a jumper all day at school. never taking it off if it was too hot. From the memory's I remember it was because I was ashamed of my body it didn't fit with the image I had in my mind, of course back then the reason was a lot simpler I was simply embarrassed by how I looked.
At Year 8 and 9 These are where the beatings and torments started to become a real problem. I was hit/kick with just about everything. Once one of the teachers saw 3 boys kicking me and laughing, The teacher broke up the fight and we went up to the principles office. Once there the principle asked them why were beating on me. and there response haunted me for ages as I didn't know why. they just said 'He is different', 'How is he different' 'I don't know but he just seems different' Only once in all my school years did I ever saying anything to someone about feeling 'different' I asked another loner 'if he felt just wrong' he just shrugged.
I left school at year 10. Even now 10 years on some memory's still haunt my dreams.
Highschool well what can I say what a ride. When I first started highschool in 1997 age 14 I had just started to awaken to the fact that being a girl was possible and that I'm not weird. I soon made friends with 2 other gals like me Ivy and Monica. Although we were young 13/14 we learnt to be proud of ourselves and not take any crap. I fitted in rather well and those who didn't like us got abuse screamed at them or slapped lol. Nasty bitches we were. But we had every right to and it paid off too.
Here in New Zealand if you cant stand up for yourself in highschool your ganna get tramped on alot till there's nothing left inside but sadness pain hate and bitterness if your different I've seen it happen too many times. So we quickly mastered being bitches me more so than Ivy and Monica. As I had taken crap most of my life and was fed up and stronger than ever. I was rather popular with my friends and in school if not by admiration and love by dislike. I would study it like a art lol every nasty put down even did kick boxing lessons. Even to this day my wit and mouth can make any given grown man or woman for that matter cry. That was my safety blanket. I'm not recommending or proud of it at all but it sure helped me as there were other M2F trans there but didn't have it in them to be like us and they got hell Id step in when I saw it but I know it was hell for them and its sad that they were deprived of happiness security and friendship in highschool. To be honest if I hadn't of done what I did I probably wouldn't be here today typing my story suicide takes far too many of us :(
Even though I was a small fish in highschool I commanded respect from the biggest and would just about never back down and always stood my ground even if it meant I had to swing a few punches and get a few as well. But the anger and pain inside me from all the years of ignorance misunderstandings and hate that I had been given through my life from people during growing up in school and out. I became a strong quick witted kick boxing M2F transsexual activist in my own school. Don't get me wrong lol just cause I was and am strong minded and not bashful I'm not butch lol I'm girly as they come just your average funky girrl doin her thang.
I never had any serious problems in school apart from me getting in trouble for wagging and back talking teachers ect. Me and my friends more so me being so out loud and proud annoyed allot of guys at school especially the bigger ones who would think they'd try and give us the bash or tease to belittle us. Well I wasn't having that lol and had quite a few fights but your probably going to get that being TS in highschool anyway so I figured may as well come off on top than get bashed by ignorant idiots for who I am which is fabulous lol.
One time I remember a guy called me a faggot and told me to come to him so he could punch my head in I was 3rd form he was a 7th former and he was laughing so hard and everyone heard it I was so embarrassed and angry. I threw him over the pagoda and punched his face in while screaming and cussing he didn't hassle me again lol. This was almost a weekly thing for me in the beginning of 3rd form well almost. I never let one remark, gesture or hit slide for that matter as I refused to be trod on and made to feel like a freak.
After a while the rumours did their rounds and people eventually got the message that I don't take shit and aren't afraid of breaking a nail to scratch some guys face to shreds. Don't get me wrong it wasn't all bad loll I consider those scraps good as they were taught a lesson not that I condone violence but boys will be boys and if you cant beet em join em play their game but do it better than they do. I was quite a rebel in highschool always on daily report mainly cause I wasn't out at home yet. Highschool for me at the time was my playground. I had tons of friends and would get stoned or drunk and smoke cigarettes and wag even threw a text book at a teacher for being rude to me lol. I suppose I was just like all the other bad girlz at school to busy having fun to care and too cool to be a shadow.
I had a lot of female friends as I was one of the girlz to most of them. I've always been gifted at doing hair naturally and always had a can of hairspray and all my brushes handy so would give girlz bouffant hairdos for fun and drink vodka and smoke cigarettes at lunch time. lol we didn't always drink at school just when one of us could steal a bottle from home. I had allot of friends and was always catching up on the goss in class and forever getting detentions for gasbagging and passing notes.
I was quite out of control at that age 14 and 15 up to about 16 mainly because I wasn't happy that I hadn't come out yet at home. I finally did at 16. I remember Me and Monica at age 15 would have slumber parties and drinkies at her house or mine and party all night and go to the movies and hang out and party. lol wed dress up and go down to the beach late at night in mini skirts big fur mink coats heels and styley hair and walk up and down there on the main road and drink on the beach. It was so funny cause no one could tell we were trans and guys cars full of guys that would drive by would pull over and try and pick us up.
Wed have so much fun doing cartwheels and tumbles down the middle of the road in mini skirts even lol I remember the feeling of empowerment freedom and blissful joy we had so many good times. Wasn't much traffic at that hour so we were ok were not stupid lol. And Halloween Heather had a Halloween party and I made a tight black mini dress and wore a denim jacket heels and funky slick hair and was walking around in broad daylight with all my mates and even went to this guys house from school he didn't recognise me or clock me lol so funny. I was surprised at how well I looked to be honest I was prettier than most of my female friends lol.
oh if only lol I have so many stories to tell about highschool you'd be here for hours. Sadly to say I was expelled from Highschool in 4th form only 2 years at highschool lol shame. I regret being expelled but I don't regret one thing I did or said there. Now grown and 19 years old I realise that I lived more and did more and had more fun in highschool than most do in 5 years at highschool. I miss and cherish those days dearly. I've since came out at age 16 My whole family supports me especially My Nan and Mum and it really wasn't as bad as I had feared they love me for me and want me to be happy regardless. They always knew I was special and now want me to hurry up and get on with it and hasten my transition :)
The moral of this story is think about it??? even though you may want to hide in the corner till whenever... wouldn't you rather enjoy your life now today this minute this second? You don't know how long your going to be around so live life like there's no tomorrow and remember your special. And be strong for your sake.
Love your sister Shenade Winters xoxoxo
I transitioned late (36) but I recognize a lot of what I've read here in my own experiences. Denial. Suppression. No social skills. Retreating into comics (I loved reading but was ADHD). Being a late bloomer. Falling into drugs after leaving school.
I noticed that a lot of people started having real trouble around Year 7. Me too. Within 10 minutes of walking into my new, very posh, high school (middle school in the USA?) I was being called "fairy" and being literally thrown in the air between groups of boys. "Fairy" was my name for the next 5 years, although sometimes I was called "quarterball" (as in having 1/8th of a male's allotment). I felt incredibly humiliated by it all and many times I would get home, lock myself in my bedroom, throw myself on my bed and cry, repeating over and over, "Everybody hates me, I want to die".
During the holidays at the end of Year 7 I made a decision, I was going to be tough - a real guy (I never thought I was a girl because a simple look in the mirror told me I wasn't, but I just wasn't good at "guy"). I became an even bigger joke, although it did win me a few friends in the joker group. I'd found my place in the male world - the butt of jokes and to laugh along with it. The clown. I did that for another 20 years before the lights went on. Lots of every drug I could get my hands on helped too. Still, the bullying got worse each year.
The teachers weren't interested. I couldn't bring myself to tell my parents *why* I was being bullied, but I eventually admitted that it was happening (tears, bad temper etc). My mother made a complaint to the school only to be told, "It will make a man of him". It did too - for 20 uncomfortable, confusing and paranoid years. Thankfully, schools are more aware these days, although no doubt some are better than others. One of the teachers even called me "fairy" as well!
You know how in every school there is one kid who is "it" - the punching bag? That was me. I kept wanting to go to another school but my parents said that if I ran away when things got hard then I would run away from difficulties all my life. They wouldn't let me leave after Year 10 either. In the end, I crept out of school at recess the end of Year 11 after some sympathetic soul tipped me off that "the heavies" had planned a farewell flushing (in a toilet) for me.
I started high school topping classes but I scored 11% in maths at the end of Year 11 (how do you forget a mark like that?).
For the record, I finally went to a school reunion - 25th year - because I figured that everyone else would have been through their own issues since school, and I wanted to stop being a bitter old cow. Thankfully, my school had gone co-ed during my last year there, so the first reaction of people was, "Who's she? I don't remember her". One guy said, "I'm so glad to see you again because I always wanted to apologize for not standing up for you when those guys were following you around and throwing stuff at you". He was too scared because they would have accused him of being my boyfriend. It couldn't have been easy for a kid to be faced with an ethical dilemma like that!
Whatever, at the reunion we all got messily drunk and had a rage. Some of the guys kissed me goodnight, which says something about the vibe (unfortunately, only one of my good female friends at school turned up). I guess the moral of this (too long) tale is to face up to your demons.
And no, I do *not* think it would be great to have transitioned young, especially not in Australia in the 70s. Yes, transitioning later in life left me with some baggage but it also saved me from a lot of abuse and violence. As well, being able to get (admittedly, lousy) work without trans-discrimination helped set me up to transition later on when the world around me was a bit less homophobic.
Viva la diversity
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