Monika's letter to her mom
Dear Mom,
Hi, from the West Coast from your child Monika, I have been well, what I came
to SF to get has come to me, that is peace with myself, love and
companionship
I never had these on Long Island you and I both know this. My
only regret is moving so far away from you, It saddens me to be so far from
you, you were always in my corner until I stepped over the line (refering to
incident with my step-father, he used to rape me so I hit him repeatedly with
a baseball bat, 15 staples to hold his skull together) although I firmly
believe in my heart I was justified in what I did, it was still wrong.
I
miss you, Andrew, and Lisa so much, I still feel lonely cause you can't share
in my new found joy. It hurts me so much that you never call me anymore. and
that Andrew never calls either, you are still my family, even though I put
you through the ringer, I can understand what I'm doing is hard on you, it is
never easy for any parent in your situation, but I want you to know I'm
happy with myself now I was never happy before.
I've accepted being a
transexual, I need you to do the same.
Regardless of if you call me your daughter
or son I still came from your womb. I want you to not blame
yourself, cause it wasn't your fault This stuff just happens. I don't know
why it just does, It is no ones fault.
I wanna tell you that everyone I knew in
my former life has cut me off, no longer do they return my phone calls or
e-mails, I was hurt at first, but now realize it may be for the better.
I
don't want to lose you, Andrew, and Lisa too. I love you all so much, it
kills me that I can't show you my love and affection cause of the great
distance(2600 miles) but as long as I hear you say it I feel better.
I've put
you through hell and back and I'm sorry, for what it is worth it has made me
a better person, I may not take the world by storm, may not be rich or even
middle class.
I've realized that the best things in life are free. Money can
comfort you but can't buy you true love, respect, or acceptance, the things
everyone wants and desires.
Please don't cut me out of your life for this, I got to be me, if it
means losing you then I'm sorry.
Be happy for me, please still consider me
your child, I feel like I've been disowned with your lack of communication.
I've tried to maintain it, I'm always calling you, it would be nice to hear
your voice just out of the blue.
San Francisco is my home now, Long Island
is nothing more then a distant memory, I don't want you to be just a memory,
I want to still be a part of the family.
I do fear the day I have to face
the whole family, at Christmas or thanksgiving or something, I have no clue
as to how they will react to me, but I know in my heart what I'm doing is
right, with every fiber of my being I know I wasn't meant to be a man.
With all the love in my heart,
Your Daughter,
Monika