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Personal Experiences > Letters To Parents

Monika's letter to her mom

Dear Mom,

Hi, from the West Coast from your child Monika, I have been well, what I came to SF to get has come to me, that is peace with myself, love and companionship

I never had these on Long Island you and I both know this. My only regret is moving so far away from you, It saddens me to be so far from you, you were always in my corner until I stepped over the line (refering to incident with my step-father, he used to rape me so I hit him repeatedly with a baseball bat, 15 staples to hold his skull together) although I firmly believe in my heart I was justified in what I did, it was still wrong.

I miss you, Andrew, and Lisa so much, I still feel lonely cause you can't share in my new found joy.  It hurts me so much that you never call me anymore. and that Andrew never calls either, you are still my family, even though I put you through the ringer, I can understand what I'm doing is hard on you, it is never easy for any parent in your situation, but I want you to know I'm happy with myself now I was never happy before.

I've accepted being a transexual, I need you to do the same.

Regardless of if you call me your daughter or son I still came from your womb. I want you to not blame yourself, cause it wasn't your fault This stuff just happens. I don't know why it just does, It is no ones fault.

I wanna tell you that everyone I knew in my former life has cut me off, no longer do they return my phone calls or e-mails, I was hurt at first, but now realize it may be for the better.

I don't want to lose you, Andrew, and Lisa too. I love you all so much, it kills me that I can't show you my love and affection cause of the great distance(2600 miles) but as long as I hear you say it I feel better.

I've put you through hell and back and I'm sorry, for what it is worth it has made me a better person, I may not take the world by storm, may not be rich or even middle class.

I've realized that the best things in life are free.  Money can comfort you but can't buy you true love, respect, or acceptance, the things everyone wants and desires.

Please don't cut me out of your life for this, I got to be me, if it means losing you then I'm sorry.

Be happy for me, please still consider me your child, I feel like I've been disowned with your lack of communication.

I've tried to maintain it, I'm always calling you, it would be nice to hear your voice just out of the blue.

San Francisco is my home now, Long Island is nothing more then a distant memory, I don't want you to be just a memory, I want to still be a part of the family.

I do fear the day I have to face the whole family, at Christmas or thanksgiving or something, I have no clue as to how they will react to me, but I know in my heart what I'm doing is right, with every fiber of my being I know I wasn't meant to be a man.

With all the love in my heart,

Your Daughter,


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