© Nation Multimedia Group, 2002
44 Moo 10 Bang Na-Trat KM 4.5, Bang Na district, Bangkok 10260 Thailand
Jan 17, 2002
Her Own Woman
By Aree Chaisatien and Thaweechai Jaowattana
Does your body belong to you? For transsexual and renowned makeup artist
Pansit Sukarom, aka Pok, it definitely did not. She experienced excruciating
pain before the happy realisation that her body belonged to her - and not
to society.
Like male students at the Faculty of
Communication Arts at Rajabhat
Institute, Pra Nakorn, Pansit "Pok" Sukarom wore pants. However, like
most female students, she had breasts, curved hips and beautiful long hair.
In order not to look like a girl who was privileged to wear pants, she was
allowed to wear skirts.
For four years Pok lived with this feminine
look, thinking that this was her real self.
But then came graduation day. Since her
degree would be conferred by HRH Crown Prince Maha Vajiralongkorn, Pok was
told she would have to have her hair cut short and dress like a man in order
to receive her degree. It was an extreme form of discrimination against
"second-typed women" such as Pok. She chose to disappear from the ceremony.
That was 10 years ago. But actually,
Pok's "disappearing act" began much earlier. Brought up in a well-to-do family
with freedom to do anything she wanted, she had a happy childhood. But it
was only when she was asked, "Hey, are you a katoey? or "Are you a tua-dam?"
that Pok began to feel she was abnormal. ("Katoey" refers to transvestites
and transsexuals, while "tua dam" literally means "black bean", a Thai slang
for homosexual.)
She began to wonder what a katoey really
was. "I doubted myself whether I was a 'katoey', and what a 'katoey' does
to be called that," recalls the personable Pok.
The answer, she learned, is that "katoey"
in many people's minds, signifies a physical disability, or behaviour that
deviates from the 'normal'.
Even now, all studies on the topic in
Thailand, be they medical, psychological or sociological, continue to be
narrow- minded, according to Pok. "In-department research, even by professors,
on types of 'katoey', the reasons for being 'katoey', to effects on health
such as Aids, reflect discrimination, so that one must be 'normal', as opposed
to 'katoey', which is 'abnormal','' comments Pok, now a graduate student
of Women's Studies at
Thammasat
University.
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Quite often Pok wondered why a person
who lives an ordinary life and never does anything wrong toward others is
often hurt, intentionally or otherwise. "I was always seen as 'other', even
in Women's Studies classes," says Pok, referring to her course at Thammasat
- one of only two universities in Thailand to offer this relatively new Master
degree programme.
According to the course curriculum, the
programme is designed "to build a society of critiques, with acceptance of
diversity and to understand the social phenomenon today's women and men are
experiencing".
Pok is among the first batch of students
in search of this new discourse. And yet, she has found that her 'otherness'
continues to be an issue among her classmates.
"'Come, come in together,' was how a
female friend put it when we were going to the ladies' room. And that hurt.
To me, it means that I am still other," explains Pok.
"Another painful incident was when I
received a welcome card from a friend with an illustration of a small white
tower in a lush jungle and a heart-striking sentence: 'I am glad that you
are courageous to study in the course. You will no longer feel lonely like
this tower,'" she continues. "But I don't think I am brave at all. Again,
I was located as other."
But these were minor quibbles compared
to an incident that drove her to tears. "In the class, when students were
divided into five groups with one male student, I was one of those who was
given the title 'Mr'. I suddenly realised that I was counted as one of them,"
she said. "My first instinct was to walk out and not to come back here
again."
And yet, thanks to the course, Pok says
she has learned that her public identity was just one in a series of
all-powerful, socially-constructed dichotomies that govern most people's
behaviour: male vs female, normal vs abnormal, us vs them. "Just recently
I has realised that I was framed," she says.
"I used to dress in line with the
transsexual's long-standing motto: 'Long hair is the diamond crown for all
transsexuals'. Every feature from head to toe - like the face, breasts, hair
and hips - must look perfect (from surgery), so that real women can't compete,"
she says.
 |
For years Pok stuck to the image, including
wearing skirts and high-heeled shoes. "More often than not, people say 'You
are so beautiful', or 'Your complexion looks very feminine'," illustrates
Pok, who now happily claims to have found her new identity-short hair, unisex
clothes like T- shirts, jeans and flat shoes.
But it is not only her look that was
'framed'. She was also categorised by career. "People look at our beauty,
not our ability. Careers designated (by society) for transsexuals and gays
revolve around beauty, and I followed [this mentality]." For a decade, Pok
trained herself to perfection in her profession as a makeup artist for renowned
Praew
magazine. She has just returned from a fashion shoot in Singapore.
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Despite a promising and lucrative career
with a full working schedule seven days a week, she admits that it is not
her real calling. "As a child, I dreamed of being a lawyer but I learned
that my image would never solicit any respect. But my present career is OK.
It helps me stand on my own feet."
These days, the stigma and the pain are
relics of the past. Now Pok is looking beyond the 'frame' into the future
with her new-found identity. "Thanks to the theory of 'Politics of location',
relocating myself as 'subject', not 'object', has opened up a whole new world
for me. I can represent an alternative identity of transsexuals. Although
the society as a whole can't be changed in the near future, women who see
me will accept me as a trendy beauty professional while men can easily approach
me without fearing to be seen as womanising," she says.
Understanding, not sympathy, is what
Pok expects from society. "See me as an ordinary human being who has equal
rights to lead a life. An ordinary, capable human being, " she adds with
a smile.
Her hope for a more pluralistic society
now lies with future generations. "I wish to be an expert on the science
I am studying, in the hope that it will be useful for those who travel the
same road."