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What I want 1

Personal Experiences > What do I want from Transition

What do I want from life?
You started this journey with something in mind, share what it was, and how you either got it, or had to compromise and only get part or none of it.
So share. Write to me

Share your experiences. I will only use your first name when I post the info.
Help change the world for the future


From: Amy Lynn
Subject: What do I want from life?

I want what all modern women want a career, a loving family, and to seek out the dark forces and join in their hellish crusade. Just kidding.

I know that I want to become me. Just getting my mind set ready to do something about it and knowing where to go is the problem.

I feel like I need training wheels just to guide myself along the transition path.

I think I'm afraid to take the first step in seeing a therapist,or a general practioner thinking I'll get rejected and verbally abused severly.

I think I need to develope the nerve and will to over come these fears, or what obstacles people might place infront of me.

A few days ago I had the thought of getting a large house and have some type of home for ts?? My question would be who would come to it in this area?? I don't know why I said that for.

Is 29 still consider to be a young transsexual??

Amy Lynn


Subject: What I want from Life...

I want to not be afraid anymore

I want to have the courage to break up with my girlfriend who doesn't accept me for who I am.

I want to have the courage to move away from my area to some place where jobs are plentiful and I can finish my degree and get help at the same time---even if that means I have to be homeless for a while.

I want the courage to be myself, and learn to accept people's rejection without hanging my head in shame.

I want to learn to have a higher sense of self-worth, to realize that I'm okay.

I want to quit hurting so much. I'm tired of crying.

I want my transition to be commenced soon, before I get too old and settled in as the wrong gender.

I want some help from the community.

Emily Marie


From: "Shell"
Subject: Re: Introduction

Jenny, I hope this helps and you can use it. Shell

Have you ever looked at your life and thought and wondered "Just what in the world am I doing? Where am I going? What is driving me to point my life in this direction?" Where will I find the drive and strength? Silly of me, I know you have, a gizzillion time over. The thoughts all have are not much different, other than intensity and frequency ... are they?

Just where did I find the will power to go against the established norm 30 years ago? Just how was I able to find the strength and inner conviction without the aids of the Internet and others who could understand? I've always know I was a girl even though the doctors said boy when I was born. This is a event and lesson in my life I drew upon. And still do.


December 15th, 2001

Maybe I shouldn't but I'm reminiscing and thinking of things I haven't thought of in years.

As a young girl across the tracks from our home there was a little woods I loved to walk and sit in. I remember seeing a tree that was struck by lightning in it's early life. The sun-hot searing scars were still there. Even so, she was still growing and living years after the strike. She still had beautiful oak leaves and was proudly bearing the acorn fruit of her desires.

Over the years of my youth I watched this old oak tree slowly grow and thrive like her sisters in those woods. The only things that made her different from the others in the woods was the scar running down her side and she was fatter and squatter at the base. She had a thick branch that drove out horizontally that was perfect to sit on. Sitting there I would reach over and touch the scar from the lighting strike. No bark grew along the searing path. The vertical scar was smooth to the touch and had small convolutions that I could run my fingers along. I would think of that searing sun-hot strike and touching where it ran, somehow it deeply stirred my basic emotions.

I became to love this old oak, to admire her tenacity to continue to live and grow and do the thing she was put on this earth to do. Not because she was different from the others in the woods, not that she didn't look the same, not that she had a scar from her past. I became to love this old oak because I realized a simple truth, she was touched by a finger of God to be beautiful and different. To show me that we all are touched by events in our lives that scar us and make us a little different.

Before I left my home in my seventeenth year on this earth we had a tornado hit the little woods, barely missing our home. You could see where it came on it through the edge of the woods, starting high up. As it dropped lower and lower it tore trees from their roots. Swirling and raging like a grim reaper it violently ripped branches from the trees closest to it and laid bare earth devastation down the center of its path.

It left as quickly as it had came, in it's wake was the swath of destruction of torn dying and neutered trees. In the quiet that followed, I ran over to see what had happened to the little woods I loved. I needed to see if "she" was still standing. To my chest gripping horror the tornado had made a bee-line directly for her. I couldn't see her, the woods that were on the side covered the path of the destruction. The closer I got more of the destructive path was exposed. Leaves were stripped, branches were broken and roots were exposed down the "grove". I knew she was gone. But there in the middle of the path, in the midst of the destruction, she still stood! Her leaves were tattered shards showing as a few wisps of green on her branches.

Slowly I climbed over the other trees heading towards her. I climbed up and sat on her comforting branch again. I touched the still smooth convoluted scar. Looking around at her sisters I then realized why she had been touched so many years ago. That old scarred oak had faced another finger of God and lived. She had grown a little shorter, a little stronger from that searing white hot strike many years ago and because of it withstood the tornado that destroyed her sisters.

This was a defining moment in my life, where I was becoming aware of self, life and how I also had been touched in my youth. I realized in many ways I was like this old oak I loved, touched by the white hot finger of birth and the breath of God. I found the strength throughout my life because I was a little different and was forced to grow stronger.

Yes, I'm sitting here today reminiscing of my life and the lessons I've learned and most important . . . remembered.



Name: Thora Halvorsen

What I want.....

To be able to answer the mythical challenge I face, in accepting in faith the quest before me, to become that I always secretly yearned, worshiped in envy, and desired for myself.... To become woman.
Family roads harshly traveled, a parrelel yet different path I take for now, until due course merit, I merge path again, in lustrious embrace, of loving acceptance, my change.
I am the fool, the questor of the soul and being, I seek to become my destiny, a goddess within, and goddess without, thus to quarrell not within this, my wretched form, surely I find some alien question towards laying dormant of age, for it is ageless, it is of the soul, manifest in yearning.... A beating heart, pulsating for voice....  Let me free.

I dare say I don't like myself, my life, but yearn a more complete form, a more natural fit, not a surreal glove's fit, but the shining ember of my spirit reflected out upon my form, thus....to be woman.

Many an hours jest and tormet, I face, my challenge to confront. Pain of needles' peirce I'll endure for thee spirit within, so you may shine. To mold anew this clayform, from that which born to that which yearn to reform, ... Pure beauty, that shines from within, of total acceptance, of self and form,  love hath form!

Alongside I see my questing spouse of heart, my lover, riding every shockwave, every crest and slump, wiping every tear, kissing every quivering lips, nurturing me further, aye, she yearns my success, for she has always seen me for who I was, not what I was, and knows she too sees my heart's desire... She knew it from moment she placed eyes upon me, oh babu, this one's for you.
May I make Ganesha proud in my bravery.
So mote it be.


From: n b
Subject: What do I want from transition
To: jenstar@antijen.org

What do I want? I want to be me. I want to be able to
walk outside topless and not get catcalls. I want to
look down in the morning and see a smooth chest. No
irritating bumps protruding. I want to be with a woman
and not have to "explain" away my situation. I want to
be me.

From: Thomas
Subject: Want do I want from life?
Date: Tue, 16 Dec 2008 12:31:36 +1030

To do something big, that might affect someone and not be forgotten when I'm dead, instead of sitting around watching TV in between going to an office every day. Tom

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